day fourteen

good news; have been selected to exhibit "the darkness of me & him" for the midsumma festival here in melbourne; opening night is jan 23, 6pm; dead exciting; have been working away in my studio; problems thus far finding a reasonably priced spray painter; the exhibition will be part of queer city; title-HABITat; at flinders lane gallery had a few meeting with curator and the other artist i am exhibiting with; seems to be panning out ok

brothers HK thingo is fine now; well so he says; guess we'll never know

gwenda came down to visit a few weeks back; was good fun; went to st andrews; hanginng rock; where we had a bbq; pissed on at the laird; realising that its a total crap bar; to which i will not be back; bender bar thornbury is way better; preferred mixed space; none of this cliquey boys club shit

went to the opening of gillian wearing at acca; fuking fantastic; really enjoyed it; most of the shows at acca are hot!

currently in the process of writing a few proposals for exhibitions in melbourne; working on a new installation "nighttime is for the boy who can fly" love being busy and having a few things on the go at the same time

work is going.... well. had my appraisal/review and it went really well; still so much to learn; mental health is very interesting and bleak

have been buying up music of late just purchased a bit of tom waites, xiu xiu, stardust five; can't remember what else; did manage to use the credit card

also into a few zines; BUTT and they shoot hommos don't they? available at polyester books - which is a great bookshop on brunswick st, fitzroy.

day thirteen

went to pick brother up from airport; home from europe; mum called to say "don't bother picking up bradley. he's been arrested in hong kong"; for carrying THIS!!!

day twelve

I got two preview passes to see 3 Iron last night; went with racheal; screening was at ravoli cinema in hawthorn; beautiful art deco cinema; huge spiral staircase; chandeliers; comfy chairs with heaps of leg room; watch trailer HERE

had the day off today; woke up feeling like crap; rang work; just a horrid head cold; spent day cruising music links; listening to mp3s; made a few grand discoveries; Clue For Kalo; who are supporting casiotone for the painfully alone; august 26; northcote social club; Lispector; The Dead Science; The Home Recording Project

day eleven

sick to death of living from pay cheque to pay cheque; next pay i ain't paying any debts; am gunna shout myself a base station; so any i can be wireless at home; brother back from germany next sunday; hope he has an ipod for me; really have to get the 10gigs of music off my laptop; need more room for video editing; video camera has also packed it in again; ran another wine soilded tape through it; looks like a trip to tandy to get a dv head cleaner; no boys not of the poppers variety; and really who cleans video/dvd heads with poppers?

went out last night to a really shite spanish restaurant for emma's birthday; was fucked; well the restaurant anyway; they forgot joan, clare and brookes meals; arrived 15 mins after everybody else had finished their meals; all we got was a complimentry jug of sangreia between ten; hmmm; never going back; i swiped these really nice cermaic cups

i am meeting rachael and leigh at sutton gallery today; for the opening of David Rosetzky's latest exhibition

am looking forward to seeing this exhibition; interested in his portray of queer asian men; seeing i am working in a similar context

i have submitted a proposal to MidSumma Festival to be included in their visual arts program; i hope i am selected; i really need an exhibition; and to be included in midsumma would be fantastic; i am geting sick of having work laying around that hasn't been shown; i also emailed scotty the blue bunny; telling him to submit a proposal; but he said he didn't have enough time; maybe next year

day nine

have spent the day grocery shopping; cleaning; and steam cleaning the stained patch where my brother lay on the floor of the spare room in a pile of his own vomit; hand-washing my sleeping bag which also lay with him in his pile of vomit; and the foam mattress on loan from bev; oh what joy it is when my brother stays with me; last time was in 1999; to which we never spoke for 5 years; thankfully this time he only stayed a night; was on a flight to berlin the following day; mum came down to see him off; stayed the night; always good having her stay;

went out for a work dinner; last thursday eve; melinda going on maternity leave this wednesday; alix off on annual leave; same day; rosemary a week or so later; was a pleasant evening; always interesting doing the odd work social;




"a return to painting", they say. (i) painting never left us. "painterly", they then respond. (i) was mondrian not painterly?

day eight

seems as if i'm on a roll at the moment with updating my blog; we'll see how long it lasts; a funny thing happened the other day; melissa; a friend of mine; we have know each other since we were four years old; was given two free tickets to the coldplay gig tonight (monday july 3); so we are off to see 'em; hilarious thing is between us we know two songs; yellow; and beautiful world; beautiful world because it was channel 10's jingle a few years ago; and melissa hates it; we have managed to grab a few songs of theirs from around the place and are desperately trying to learn the chorus of a few songs so we won't be the only duddies who don't know shit; but, hey whatever; what else is there to do on a monday night; we are both skint as all hell; i will also suggest to melissa that we scalp the tickets outside for major cash;

here's a pic of Coldplay I found on the internet; at least we know what they look like




if you so desire check out their website i haven't bothered; you may like to; wish i had have been around for a pixies ; marianne faithfull ; leonard cohen; gig


my brother is off to germany this wednesday; i think him and my ma are coming down to melbourne tomorrow; will stay over night; i am very impressed that my brother has chosen to travel abroad; i think it will be a life changing experience for him; a god we all know he needs it!

mum has been out of hospital a few weeks; had a knee replacement; was funny when i went to see her; day after the surgery; she was off her face; self dosing morphine; was hilarious; she was blabbing on about the funniest things; carpet for godsake; her and i will travel to india in february; have found some cheap tickets; hoping to purchase in two weeks; we are thinking of doing northern india; more research needed

day seven and a tenth

home

Watch the video

a really crappy montage of my new home; took stills; thought i'd jazz it up with editing; well it's fucked; really bad resolution; can't believe i posted this; good thing is that ANTONY sings on it; so check it out just to hear him

Tags: crap, antony & the johnson, home, ashlee

day seven

its been a long time since i actually posted anything on here; i am now in melbourne; loving it; new job is great; have been here three months;

found this image today

















Apparently it's an old advertisement in a magazine titled "Polished Knob"

it really is an image that reminds me of a video i want to make about gay marriage; a complicated story about a gay wedding ring or symbol of a gay wedding ring; infection a vow

i finally have had my digi cam repaired; have been doing a little bit on it; nothing finished yet; hoping to post a little montage of my new "home"; seeing its been years since i felt i had a home; must confess love living on my own; well love not living in shared housing; i have been short-listed to participate in a new media/video festival in spetemeber in Bangkok; am working an a new video in the context of my research i was doing for my masters at uni; its a bit exciting; the next step is submitting a 2 min grab from the work; and then wait for word i guess

a few things have happened of importance; melanie married massa in mid-june; luella & dylan still have not yet set a date for theirs; i have still not found a man; although, there is a bloke down in tassie that i met; that's all i can say at the moment

kwang soo; melanie & massa at their wedding


















work; well my official title is "community artist"; i am working for an organisation called Neami Splash Art Studio its probably; actually is, the most interesting job i have ever had; basically i work with four others; we work with fifty-five artists with severe or enduring mental illness in helping them develop their art practice and make links into mainstream communities; some absolutely brilliant work comes out of the studio; it is not art therapy; its an open studio in which artists come and produce work; five of the artist i work with are part of a show up in sydney with artists like anne ferran, mike parr and the likes; people often think of outsider art as naive and child-like; some of the artists i work with do produce this type of art; but i'd say 20% produce extremely sophisticated and informed works of art; one that springs to mind is Ophelia's Mink, look out for her work this september in sydney at campbelltown art gallery; boo cooper also springs to mind; she is also in a show with Ophelia's Mink and a very interesting woman



i find you with red tears in ur eyes; i ask you what is your name; you offer no reply; should i call a doctor; for i feel you might be dead; but i just laid down beside you; and held your hand; i feel in love with you; now you're my one only; cos all my life i've been so blue; but in that moment; you fill me now; i tell all my friends i fell in love with a dead a boy; now i tell my family; i wish u could have met him - antony

day six and three quarters

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! why is it always the way? just discovered video blogging; well how to upload; and my digicam is fucked; just rang sony; $66 just to get a quote; jeezarse; next pay day i guess!!!!

i was woken this morning to the sound of my cell phone ringing at half 7; kwang soo; stressed; asking me to call kingc cross police station; a message left on his phone by some police guy; telling him to call about beren; beren-kwang soos's boyfriend; was all a bit of a daze; rang police station; no one had heard of him; advised me to call st vinnies hospital; no on had any record of him; kwang soo called back; advised him; he called back at 10am telling me that beren was at maroubra police but home now; i don't have any details as yet; fuck me it's all too much; i so don't need my ex ringing me at half 7 on a saturday morning asking me to track down his new boyfriend at police stations and hospitals! or do i?

day six and a half

SHOPPING 4 MEN

Watch the video

THIS VIDEO CONTAINS NUDITY AND EXPLICIT HOMOSEXUAL SEX

MINORS ARE NOT PERMITTED TO VIEW THIS WORK

 

This is a work in progress and part of a three-part installation that I am currently working on. It deals with the effects of Western Queer Culture upon NE Asia, specifically Korea and the use of web-based interaction between men who have sex with men.

 

This work is also pending image/music copywrite authorisation

Music by Underworld

 

I value your criticism via email dank_monster@hotmail.com or simply leave a comment

Tags: dating, installation, homosexual, gay, art, video, queer, internet

day six

home; alone; antony playing; sucking it up; dreaming ways to get to NYC; need to go; can feel the magnetic fields pulling me there; over sydney; moving to melbourne march 02; india for a month in september with mum; she wants to go so bad; noone will go with her; said i will go; so brave and inspiring my mum; thought afterwards i'd head from india to NYC; lower east village; who knows

here bunny bunnny bunny!
why can't i meet a nice handsome blue bunny?
gotta dash NYC ASAP

i took this image of scotty the blue bunny from his website BLUEBUNNY


All those beautiful boys
Pimps and queens and criminal queers
All those beautiful boys
Tattoos of ships and tattoos of tears
>



updates; kwang soo; is doing well; still in sydney; seems the drama surrounding visa has subsided; looks as if he is staying; congratulations; he has a new boy; berem; nice guy; ex ballet dancer; very sweet; happy for them
>



nathan; again, doing well; working for international fund for animal welfare; seems to be very happy; has a new house mate; catherine; great chick; his house now has a touch of home
>



heather; not doing so well; no work; skint; work will pick up again in feb; spent her savings over xmas; now cant go home at easter; is very home sick; god love her
>



me; not doing to well either; freaking out over an array of issues; whats new??????????

day five

me on the flight deck before going to state theatre to see antony & the johnsons and cocorosie


holly; me; erica; nathan outside the state theatre






















ANTONY























COCOROSIE

day four

i have decided to pack up and move to melbourne; have had it with sydney; apart from being far too expensive; it is boring; known; and superfical' sick of beach wankers pumping iron at the beach wearing slug huggers with spank screen printed on the arse; really ain't my cup of tea;

it seems kwang soo will return to korea; he has applied for a few jobs; but as its coming up to xmas it will be difficult finding a job before he is forced to exit australia; he is taking it well; partying hard;having a good time; went to the newtown hotel with him, max and anthony last wednesday nite; magazine launch; wildboys (feral drag queens); was a fuking great nite! planned an hour; was the last to leave

day three

am pissed off; phone call; kwang soo; his work have cancelled his visa; fuckers; what absolute twats!; the whole thing has been a debarkel; i guess it goes with the territoy; what fucks me off even more is their pseudo concern; like fuck they are concerned; dolls; i feel for kwang soo; it has been hard for him here; even though we are not together; he is still a dear friend; i only wish him well; and wished that some cunt would give him a break; kwang soo turned up on australian soil on a tourist visa back in may 2004; billing everything to his credit card; quite similar to me!(lol); i remember rocking up to korea will ten dollars to my name that i happen to borrow from luella at the airport; alas my situation was much, much different; he left his house in korea one morning; not telling his family; met his friend, song jin; who accompanied him to the airport; then he flew to sydney; bad boy; he loved it here; he had to go back to korea; tourist visa expired; applied and received a working holiday visa; returned to australia; october 2004; very hard time finding work; finally a break; got a job boiling rice in a factory for ten dollars and hour; cash in hand; fuck!; he's legal; still he's asian; so illegal manual bullshit is all he could get at the time; they even made him work boxing day; australia day; and many other public holidays; same pay; he finally got to give 'em the flick three months later; scored a better job at angels dreaming; a wedding/events company; making hand made invitations; fuck i can't believe they cancelled his visa!; indian givers!; he worked on his working holiday visa for three months with angels dreamin; told them of his work restrictions; they re-employed him under another of their company names; told him they wanted to sponsor him so he could work for them; that was back last december; on various occasions; i emailed his boss with links to australian immigration website; downloaded information booklets, application forms and other related material; gave it all to kwang soo; he gave it to them; nothing happened for four months; march 2005 i emailed his work again; nothing happened; kwang soo and i broke up in april; april-july our relationship was volatile; HE'S AT THE DOOR; HAVE TO GO

kwang soo and i; sca; rozelle; sydney; the very first day he arrived; may 2004

auch; he is taking it well; god love him; he came over; we went to campsie; he bought a taste of korea; cooked me dinner; talked; rented a movie; went over to nathans; watched it; at kwang soo's house; i called his boss; wanted to set up a meeting; hopefully negotiate something; she (ruba, his boss); declined; saying she had done everything she could; i advised her that she obviously hadn't read ANY of the documents before agreeing to, and sponsoring kwang soo; the problem is; a requirement of the employer who is sponsoring shall pay the employee a minimum of AUD$39,300; they are not willing to do that; hence, canceling his visa; mind you; they haven't paid a cent into his pension plan; advised them that if they paid his pension that that would bring the sponsorship into adherence; she won't have a bar of it; fucking dog; so what ever happens i'm gunna make sure he gets his superannuation when he finally has to leave; i am so upset; i mean; fuck; it is a blow; it's fucking with peoples lives; i don't think his mole of a boss understands that! who knows what tomorrow brings....; i hope all of kwang soo's dreams come true; and wish him all the very, very best

update; seems his boss told him this morning that i was rude; hmmm; funny; i never raised my voice; didn't swear; advised her that i am not speaking with her to upset her; only that i'm trying to negotiate away; don't think she liked me telling her that there was no excuse for her ignorance with relation to the sponsorship application as ALL the information was provided to her on three occasions and that if she chose not to read the terms and conditions; then that is HER fault; and that she should reimburse kwang soo the three thousand dollars that HE spent on sponsoring him; as with the majority of work sponsors the company pays not the employee!!!!!! i'm so gunna GET them!!!!!; fucking cunts!

day two and a half

me; pigsy; halloween






















heather; mystic; halloween

























kwang soo; from underworld; halloween






















nathan; slave boy; halloween























another gate crasher; halloween


received invite at work from hotel chain we use a lot; emailed rsvp for us all; pretended mates were co workers; was heaps fun; we won best dressed; we were only ones dressed up; drank heaps; forgot to eat; last to leave; sang "if i was a rich man" up oxford st; had a drink at the columbian; sux; tried tp pick up some jew boys on the street looking for something to do; ended up at barons; heather snog a fag; dunno what happeded to me and the rest of us; oh i remember grbbing braveherts cock on the stairs of a dodgy club in kings cross; naughty!

day two

inside deep throat; poster

am off to see inside deep throat tonight in paddington; premiere; freebie; am loving this free cinema tix thingy; have managed quite a few free tickets between us; the magician; murder ball; brides; mysterious skin; and now inside deep throat; yippee
>
linda lovelace; a scene from deep throat

last monday night ainslie managed to get a copy of the original deep throat; from a shop in bondi; went over to nathans; with luellas data projector; my laptop; and we watched porn; was hilarious; not sure what all the drama is about regarding deep throat; erh der! cock action; the coke bit was rather funny/horrid; cum scene edits were trippy; rockets; fireworks; gob full of cock; switching back and forth; was expecting more of a john waters influence
>
before the screening of deep throat at nathans; kwang soo came over for dinner; curry; was ok; was kinda jealous when i arrived at nathans as ainslie was there making curry; better than mine; not to worry
>

am dead excited; off to see tex; don; and charlie; metro theatre; friday; have also managed tix for antony & the johnsons; www.sydneyfestival.com; not till jan 06; getting in early; don't wanna miss; am at work now; doing nothing; can't be bothered; very hot; am leaving early; drink a beer with ains on the flight deck

day one

a photo of myself on the toilet; dressed; the afternoon of mardi gras; before the parade; march 2005.

and what a disappointment mardi gras has become; well has always been; it was kwang soo's first time; i remember my first time; it was actually a hoot; i remember rolling around the dank carpet of the beauchamp hotel on oxford st; chewing chuppa chups; sipping warm water straight from the tap in the gents; the cold water was turned off; a time when water was the same price as gin; before they made a law; just after anna wood died; before they closed down the phoenician club; i was rolling around the floor; in the arms of panayiota; in the middle of a thousand knees; no one bothering us; being nothing more than big blobs of e matter; at a time when e verything matt er ed; e verything was a sign; an om e n; young; inspired; spirited; and looking for trouble; valleys turned to lights; where everything was possible; where curtains became sarongs; where queer became bent; then straight; then twisted; where bumping into the guy that worked in the bakery that wore the red eyeliner made my day; where jewish locks blew in the summer breeze; the tassels of prayer shawls induced desire; what ever happened to the guy from the bakery?; he wasn't jewish; but hey fuck; neither am i


a photo of kwang soo kim on the toilet; dressed; the afternoon of mardi gras; before the parade; march 2005

amazing fashion designer; my ex; was a cunt during break up; but love him again now; friends; korean; met there; i came back to australia; he stayed there; was horrid leaving; he came over on a holiday; loved it; wanted to stay; he went back to korea; 3 months; got a working holiday visa; worked a year; is now on a sponsorship visa; first job in oz was boiling kilos of rice in a factory; now works as a 'designer' for a wedding company; hates it; they are stupid; want him to buy a sewing machine; everyone comments on his website; his designs; and tells him "you're amazing"; i want him to get a sewing machine; we went shopping for them; he got excited; he will save; he got caught up in the gay scene for a while; was good for him; experience is good; he's been loving it; hating it; needing it; dreaming it; most of all enjoying the challenge


a photo of gwenda stoppe (nee bender); dressed; the afternoon of mardi gras; before the parade; march 2005

i met gwenda in a training group at the gas company; what a cunt of a place; fuck i have had some naff jobs; i remember the induction day; sitting around with 12 others; in front of computers; in the training room; being taught the ancient archaic mneumnic system; oh what plebs; what monkeys; welcome to agl you're speaking with ashlee may i being with your customer number?; since my resignation back in november 2004; i scored a job with NCHF; very cushy; gwenda on the other hand managed to stay with the gas company until its closure in june 05; juggling a menagerie of positions; north sydney council; university of nsw; and now on the job hunt again; fingers crossed for dear gwenda and her pursuit for a prosperous career since giving up school teaching